Tag: Satire

Categories
Palestine

Arabs Declare Sovereign State | Jews Attack

Arabs Declare Sovereign State; name it Palestine. Jews attack from all sides.

29 November 1947  

The date is midnight on 14 May 1948 .

British forces no longer have a United Nations mandate for Palestine so they are instructed to move out of the area by this time.

As the last of the British troop ships pull away from the dock the Jews’ coalition of armies’ plans get underway.

Confused? You should be as I have provided no context. That ends now.

Arabs Declare Sovereign State of Palestine.

In a crushing show of force similar to the German Blitzkrieg the Jews attacked the Arabs without warning in an effort to defeat the Arabs and drive them into the sea.

The first wave of the Jewish attack was miraculously pushed back due to the the heroic actions of the brave Arab soldiers and generals.

The Jews soon found their pitiful forces surrounded by the well-trained forces of the Arabs, now united as the Palestine Defence Force or PDF.

In an act of military genius the nascent Arab State of Palestine, bolstered with British-trained generals and accompanying discipline, immediately counter-attacked and overran the Jewish positions.

The Palestinian generals, to a man, agreed to, “Drive the Jews out. Into the sea if necessary. Spare the Jews NO QUARTER “.

[ Update 1980: It was a massacre the likes of which will not be seen again until the Cambodian ‘Killing Fields’.]

Not one Jew was left alive   . Not a man, woman, child, nor baby.

After Palestine was officially declared Free of Every Jew On the Land there was a motion passed in the United Nations condemning the Arab slaughter of the Jews in the newly named country of Palestine.

The motion was put forward by Rhodesia and seconded by Paraguay but defeated when put to the vote at the Security Council.

In the UK Prime Minister Clement Attlee and his majority government passed a law allowing for all UK Jews to be isolated in deep rural ‘camps’. This is to ensure that there is no trouble from the Jews who violently protested, with the backing of the UK Jewish Community, the slaughter and annihilation of the Jews of Mandatory Palestine.

In Westminster the Secretary of State for the Home Department has had a proposal accepted whereby the British Constabulary may crush any Jewish dissent. Certainly much as our Arab brothers did in the recent victory in Palestine, by giving the Jews NO QUARTER.

Today the Western world is indebted to the Arab world for preventing a Jewish State from emerging in the region of the Middle East.

Who knows what impending disasters would have followed a hypothetical yet potentially calamitous victory by the Jews over the Arabs?

Give us your opinion. What do you think the world would be like today if the Jews had hypothetically prevailed over the Arabs in Palestine?

By Zero0000 A/RES/181(II) – m0103_1b.gif on PLAN OF PARTITION is from UNGA Resolution 181 (27 Nov 1947)   . Overdrawn UNSCOP boundary is from United Nations Special Committee on Palestine, Report to the General Assembly, 3 Sep 1947, Volume II, A/364, Add. 1. , Public Domain, Link  

Categories
President Donald J Trump

Trump Needs A Canadian Advisor

Trump Needs A Canadian Advisor in order to drain the swamp and put the Chinese in their place.

Imagine this. You are a President. And surrounded by people from your own country. Now, imagine you are the President of the United States. And surrounded by Americans. Only Americans.

In order to correct this obvious irrationality I propose an introduction of a Canadian mindset into Trump’s advisory inner circle.

I, Sidney Winston, am of course the perfect candidate. The only candidate for the job actually. Because I know a huge swath of Americans across the domestic cultures. I have listened their thoughts, I have tried to follow their way of thinking. And I understand the insanity of the United States.

I have the perfect qualifications for the position:

  • My fully integrated Canadian sense of humour   is useful because sometimes a chuckle can save the day.
  • My Canadian, objective view of any politically serious situations is invaluable during times of crisis. Focus is required here. Canadian focus.
  • I work remotely. I never need to be surrounded by Americans.
  • Using Skype, Hangout, or any other medium of his choosing we can establish instant, remote contact. So we can talk direct to one another without me being surrounded by Americans.
  • It’s not that there is anything particularly wrong with any one individual American but I must tell you that I watched House of Cards. Yes, the full series. So I know what goes on in the swamp.

Trump Needs A Canadian Advisor.

Somewhere in Trump’s genetic line lurks a Canadian. Donald Trump is more Canadian than Elizabeth Warren is Native Indian.

I watched the President’s explanation of the ramp descending adventure he had in Tulsa, Ok after his rally this month, June 2020.

Because he so funny I was laughing on the floor at his comedy. He was brilliant. During these stressful CCP virus months funny is unexpected.

I loved it.

Humour, genuine humour on stage, unscripted, is an invaluable tool to use while leader of the free world. Don’t you think?

Donald Trump demonstrates that he has this tool in his toolkit.

My fear is that he, the President, has no one in his political circle with a sense of humour. This is why he needs a Canadian.

I recognize this void where no one else does.

Which is why I am suggesting that President Trump give me a call.

By Bell Media – /583cf41c007f7b64160d591576a07412/portals/0/CableDigitalTV/Channel%20Thumbnails/ComedyGoldlogoBW.jpg, Public Domain, /w/index.php?curid=19938680

Categories
Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter | Colour Me Black

Black Lives Matter. I am thrilled to hear about this.

I mean, who knew?

And it’s dawning on me that in today’s zeitgeist being the victim of white oppression is the new safe space.

Today is 20 June 2020 and I hereby declare, as true as the one and only god in the sky somewhere, that I am BLACK. Please respect my new ethnic identity.

I renounce my so-called ‘whiteness’, my WHITE classification. There is no ‘white race’. Of that the facts are abundantly clear. I forfeit any alleged connection to it.

Oh, hell, while I’m at it, I also declare, as true as the one and only god in the sky somewhere, that I am FEMALE. You may no longer identify me as a WHITE MALE. Rather, identify me now as a BLACK FEMALE.

Now, I have, since my declaration to the outside world of my new identities, experienced anti-Black racism. I fear going out, as a black female I feel the oppression in the air.

I am always thinking about, “Will the police kill me on my way home from grocery shopping because I am black? Or, because I am female?

It could be either one of those reasons. But on the other hand, if I am to be killed on the way home from grocery shopping, why bother spending the money on groceries?

I would be better served spending the money on hookers and cocaine before being killed by the police on my way home from heavy partying.

Oh, shit, wait. I am a black female returning from partying with hookers and cocaine?

Black Lives Matter. Even Females Ones.

Do you see what’s happening? Being a black female causes me so many problems. I can’t even party with hookers and cocaine without the police killing me on my way home.

Still and all, I am a black female and I have the right to make my own responsible choices. Like, say, going out shopping, or partying.

Besides, grocery shopping is boring and will not stop the hail of police bullets   coming at me at the speed of, well, bullets.

I am black. I am female, My life matters.

Don’t shoot me. Thank you.